


How To Interrupt A Monologue

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [138]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, POV Second Person, Shut Up Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27885511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: Heinz talks too much.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [138]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746841
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	How To Interrupt A Monologue

Heinz talks too much.

If there's one thing you've learned over the past months of nemesisship, it's _that_. Nothing can stop his monologuing. You've _tried_. Fist or foot or tail, every time you knock him down, he gets right back up and keeps talking.

It's not even that you hate his voice, because you don't. You've grown rather fond of it actually.

Doesn't mean he doesn't talk too much. His monologue went off course almost half an hour ago, and you're _still_ waiting for him to get back to the point. Which is that he's Evil, and wants to take over the Tri-State Area, and needs a good thwarting. So if he could just give you your cue...

"-they don't even seal the _paint_ properly any more. What's the point in a pedestrian crossing if you're just going to _slip_? Which I _did_ , by the way-"

Or not. Closing your eyes, you focus on your breathing, considering your options. _Something_ has to be done about his incessant rambling. You may have a lot of patience for this man, but you don't have all day. Not if you want to make it home in time for dinner.

The bars shift under your paws, long since loosened in preparation for your cue to start thwarting, and _that's_ still not enough to gain his attention. Does he even remember you're here at all? Letting out a sigh, you slide them aside and push the door open. What other choice do you have? _Patience_ isn't going to get him thwarted, so instead you step out of the cage and climb up onto the table beside him, tapping him politely on the shoulder.

"Perry the Platypus? What are you-"

You kiss him mid-word, like people are always doing in your stories, and _that_ is what shuts him up at last. About damn time.

Shoving you and stumbling back, he pants, tears visible in his eyes. "I- How _dare_ you, playing with my _heart_ like that, I- I know you need a _distraction_ but this is _too far_ \- You don't _mean_ it, do you? Of course you don't, why would- You're an _agent_ , and I'm..."

The best nemesis you've ever had. You jump down in front of him and take his hands, blinking back tears of your own, bill tingling with the echo of his lips. Of course you _mean_ it.

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus." Despite his words, he doesn't pull away, fingers trembling in your grasp.

You tug gently, chirring as encouragingly as monotremely possible as he sinks down to his knees in front of you. A much better height to work with. From here, you can look him in the eye without issue, barely having to crane your neck to do so.

It's not often you get the chance to study his face. Between thwarting him, and your usual eagerness to return home to your family afterwards, and his own frantic energy, and his _height_ , and the darkness of the room whenever you watch a movie with him, there's always some reason why you can't. But not today. Now, you squeeze his fingers, trying for a smile, taking in the sight before you.

His eyes, still shining with tears, deep and blue like an ocean. His hair, just messy enough to give you the urge to comb it flat with your fingers. His nose, perfectly long in a way most human noses aren't, the tip all too close to the end of your bill. The way his teeth tug at his lip as he looks away. Scars, large and small, thin or twisted or sunken, covering every inch of his face and neck, every last one from backstories you can't even imagine. A blush, darkening his cheeks. Your _nemesis_. Really, why _wouldn't_ you kiss him? Even his ears, the usual human flaps of skin sticking out of his head, are somehow endearing.

Letting out a breath, he looks down at your joined hands, where his thumb brushes over the fur on your knuckles. "You... you weren't joking?"

Is _that_ what he thought? You roll your eyes, flicking your tail against his knee. Joking is more _his_ thing. You, on the other paw, commit to your actions. A lifetime of training to follow through on your punches will do that.

"Are you _sure_? I don't want to get my _hopes_ up..." He swallows, flexing his fingers in your grip, never letting go. "Not that they aren't already, I mean, I'm _used_ to having you around, I have no idea what I'd do if you _stopped_ coming here to _thwart_ me, but what if you did? What if you _leave_ and I never see you again? What then, huh? A-and if it was _my_ fault..."

You wait for the rest of that thought to arrive. When it doesn't, you sigh openly, squeezing his hands firmly. What kind of platypus does he take you for? More importantly, what kind of _nemesis_ does he take you for?

Thwarting him is your responsibility. Whether it's his schemes or his insecurities, it's up to you to stop him, before he causes too much damage. Inators or monologues, it's all the same. A responsibility you'll gladly bear on your shoulders. You're strong enough to carry him, physically and emotionally, and you _will_ -

His lips press to your bill, soft and dizzying, and you gladly lose yourself in it.

When he pulls back, an eternity later, he's smiling softly, his human blush across his nose and cheeks. It's a good look for him "You seemed, you know, _distracted_ ," he explains with a shrug, "and all I could think about was _kissing_ you. I mean, _you_ did it _first_ so clearly you're not _opposed_ to the idea, you haven't even _hit_ me for it, which I was a _little_ worried about, admittedly, but it's not like I'm not _used_ to it, you're still my _nemesis_ , and now you're... what are we, anyway? Boyfrienemeses?" he suggests, and you hit him. In the mouth. With your mouth.

He still talks too much. That part hasn't changed, and probably never will. You can't bring yourself to be upset.

After all, you can do something _about_ it now.

**Author's Note:**

> Heinz's scheme goes completely unremembered. Perry makes it home for dinner, having thoroughly thwarted his nemesis. The status quo is preserved except now Perry and Heinz smooch sometimes, but then again the same thing happened with the handholding (happened once and became part of the status quo) so.
> 
> Perryshmirtz server in series description.


End file.
